The Shipleys in Real Life

I obviously haven't blogged since we've been engaged, and now as I am trying to put off doing my homework, it seems like an appropriate time. In two days, we will have been married for a month. Kind of crazy to think about. But also, just mostly wonderful.

Before I got married, the phrases I always heard from people were, "Marriage is SO GREAT. You're going to love it" "You get to be with your best friend all day every day!" "You never have to say goodbye to each other at night" "Waking up next to your best friend every morning is the best." These things are all so true! I'm obviously not a marriage expert or anything, as I've only been married 29 days, but I think people forgot to clue me into possibly THE best thing about marriage- and you don't have to agree with me if you don't want to- how HARD it is!! Maybe its because people don't want to admit that they've had arguments or problems, ESPECIALLY the first month of marriage. I won't try to sugar coat it- it is hard. I didn't realize how much work and school would take up our time and how little we'd really get to see each other. I didn't realize how much we'd have to budget and save for little things (or things I thought were little things) like couch covers (we found both of our couches on the side of the road for free) or a dresser (which we just got this past week- we've been living out of suitcases for 3 weeks). I didn't realize how much the toilet seat would actually get left up!!! I didn't realize how hard it is to not elbow someone/get elbowed in the face in the middle of the night, or share covers. I didn't realize how many of my clothes don't work with garments (although they are definitely modest), and how I wouldn't have any money to buy new ones after getting endowed. I didn't realize how cold our house needed to be for Matthew to sleep. Merging lives is hard. MARRIAGE is hard. That's kind of why its so great... and also why it's so worth it.

I'm not sure Matthew or I have been more humbled in my life. If you have a fight with your roommate, you can like brush it off and be like, "whatever, I'm definitely not living with YOU next year." You don't quite have that luxury with marriage. Some people thing that they might, and that's when people give up. Besides making covenants with each other in the temple, we personally promised each other to do whatever it took to make the other happy, to be selfless, to work things out. I've had to change a lot. So has Matthew. And not only is it not a bad thing that we are changing for each other, but it is an awesome thing. Mostly because these changes that we are making aren't really just for each other- they are making us better people, individually, and as a couple. I'm learning to not get so upset about little things. I'm learning to enjoy life a little more even with its mishaps. Matthew is learning that girls are not dishwashers, that I freeze at night when its too cold. He's learning how to comfort me when I do get emotional, instead of going into freak out mode: (There's a girl... she's crying... I don't know what to do...? What did I do wrong? How can I fix this??!!) I'm learning to rely on his priesthood for guidance. I'm learning that I can't leave trash all over the house or make a mess and not clean it up. He's learning that sometimes we have to get work done before he can watch soccer... or play soccer... or read about soccer... He's learning how to preside, and lead our home in righteousness. He's learning (slowly) to put the toilet seat down when he's done. I'm learning that you have to check Matthew's pockets before you put things in the wash (for things like... cell phones). He's learning that maybe he needs to be the one that does the wash from now on... We are both learning how to talk to each other and how to express ourselves better. We are learning how to make each other laugh, and how to resolve conflicts. We were already pretty good at it before we got married, but now we're almost pro's.

The point is... marriage is wonderful. You get to live with your best friend, forever. You never have to say goodbye at night, and in the morning, you wake up next to each other. But the most satisfying and wonderful thing about marriage is how you can love each other so much even when sometimes its hard to. We are not perfect people, and we annoy the crap out of each other and get on each others nerves a lot, but it is incredible how you can have a relationship where sometimes, you love an imperfect person, perfectly. I didn't realize how the little amount of time we get to spend with each other due to school and work would make me cherish the time that we DO have with each other so much. I have never been so happy than when Matthew comes home with school and we get "us" time. I didn't realize how happy we could be while still being so poor, and how good it feels to sacrifice something you really want for something that your husband really needs. I didn't realize I could be so grateful for couches, or dressers. Even really, really crappy ones. I didn't realize how much I would just laugh every time I see the toilet seat up. I didn't realize that I would prefer getting elbowed in the face in the middle of the night, via my husband, than sleeping alone. I didn't realize that it wouldn't bother Matt so much that I borrow his warm clothes at night since our house is so cold. (This might be news to him). The garment-appropriate clothing issue... is actually something that will need to be resolved through plasma donation and shopping, but I GUESS I've also learned you don't have to have SO many clothes.

Marriage is great. Matthew is the best husband ever. We obviously don't have everything figured out yet. We've only been married a month. But I feel like my capacity to love has increased ever since we got married. I love how he makes me laugh. I love how he is so concerned about me. I love how he takes care of me when I am sick. I love his weird and sometimes inappropriate dance moves (we're married now... so its ok). I love how he is committed to making our house a home. I love that he is so dang good at making grilled cheese sandwiches!! I love listening to him pray. I love how he shares his food with me. I love him a little more every day, and I don't think I could / have ever been happier than I am being a Shipley.