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Friday, May 13, 2011

Certain of Uncertainties

I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis.

I'm having all these doubts about the direction my life is going. My major, my decision to come back home this summer, my plans to go to Uganda, pretty much everything. It's like there's this voice in my head going, "Woah. you REALLY screwed up, didn't you? HA!" Not really sure why. Maybe because everything in the past month or so hasn't gone the way I'd hoped, or even the way I thought it would. Or maybe... maybe its because its Friday the 13th. Huh... I hadn't thought of that. Either way, I've been freaking out the past few days about it all. And it made me think about this kid in my freshman ward, whose little brother died of cancer during the first semester. He always shared this scripture with us, it was “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Tim. 1:6–7.) I know that I've prayed about the decisions that I've made in my life thus far, and I have felt like its the right thing to do. I think I just need a reminder sometimes that even though I can't find a single job to hire me in 4 cities and 2 counties, I got my heart broken and sometimes still cry about it, fundraising for Uganda isn't actually working out, and the dogs I am "pet-watching" pooped all over the floor and I barfed in the process of cleaning it up, Heavenly Father is still watchin out for me and guiding my life. And I just need to have faith in that. And probably go running a little more. And maybe even do my homework. And it might be a good idea to go to bed and stop watching how to train your dragon...

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Birds of a feather...

Firstly, the birds, the birds! I thought it was going to be a wasteland of grackles and ravens. No, no, no! so many different colors. I'm hoping to see a painted bunting soon, they're red and blue, and yellow, and green! ahhh geez!! These are a few of the ones I've seen so far.
sd

The first is a northern mockingbird, the state bird of Texas, of course. The second is a blue jay. BEAUTIFUL. and third is a northern cardinal. I've been seeing these birds since i was like 7 or 8. When I was 8 i got this book for christmas that helped you to memorize all the states and their state capitols. I learned that 7 states have the cardinal as their state bird. SEVEN. so cool. I used to have them all memorized... My grandpa used to call for my birthday, and i'd be like "GRANDPA. did you know that 7 states have the cardinal for their state bird?!" "Well that's cool elise... are you playing any sports?"

My friend Heather got married this weekend. Way cute wedding, way cute reception, way cute couple. Whenever we go to a reception my mom is always looking for ideas... typical haha. It's so weird... to have her married. We've been friends since 7th grade, and she's the first of my grade to get married. I've had several friends to get married, from my freshman ward and seattle, but none from my hometown. This was strange. Part of me is like, "ahhh this is too scary for me! I never want to get married!" And the other half of me is, "They look so happy and in love! And they don't have to go through the painful process of dating for the REST OF THEIR LIFE!!" How wonderful that must be! Dating SUCKS! haha! But I obviously will wait, because its better to wait awhile for the right one then to settle for, for lack of a better word, the "not-right-one" just to get dating over with. But they are happily wed, and I hope that they just have joy in their marriage!

Lys came down to flo mo, and it was fun to see her. Her and her roommates, Ashley & Wesley, and one of Heather's friends from NJ and I went to THE flower mound, and "hiked" it. (It's only 50 feet tall). Then we went to grapevine mills to the texas memorabilia store to find... well, memorabilia. bought some postcards for the roomies, and a special present for kris, which i cannot say because its a surprise and i havent sent it to her yet. BUT, It is GREAT. Then I got a harry potter keychain. the end.

Life has been pretty chill. I'm starting to get interview for jobs, I sent off all my fundraising letters for Uganda, and I started some sewing projects. I'm taking an online nutrition class, but still haven't gotten the textbook from Kris yet... (AND SINCE, YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT READS THIS, KRISTA, I CAN JUST RAT ON YOU ALL I WANT!!) (that reminds me, i need to go read your blog...)

Anyway, I am realizing that I am just rambling, which means that I probably have something better to do with my time. So.... yeah bye.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Home Sweet

I am home. Finally.

After an emotionally draining 2 weeks, 6 finals, 3 boxes of tissues, 20 hours in the car, and 5 loads of laundry later... I am in Flower Mound, Texas.

Finally.

It's been hard. No lies... I love being home, but there's so much empty time for my mind to wander into things that I shouldn't waste my time wondering about. Why? What did I do wrong? How do I get over this? What's next? I hate uncertainty, and I hate change. And these are the two things that I am weathering currently. It's storming now, we just heard the tornado sirens go off, so naturally I went outside. Somehow, it seemed like the safest place for me to go. Strange enough, the uncertainty in the air outside was calming to my own uncertain soul. Go figure. Whatever helps I guess, haha.

On my last day of my Family Finance class, my professor gave an outstanding... I don't know what you call it... presentation? talk? It was his final "words of wisdom" for us as we go off into the world to... budget! A story that he told us struck me as one of those "meant for me" stories. It was a story about this man whose wife had died, and he was miserable and depressed. He went to Dr. Frankl, a holocaust-survivor, now psychiatrist, and told him all the miserable things he was feeling. Dr. Frankl paused, then said, "How do you think this situation would be, if you had died before your wife?" The man stopped and just stared blankly for a few minutes, before saying, "I'm sure she would have felt just as sad, and depressed as I am." "Ahh," said Dr. Frankl, "Then you are sparing her from the misery that you are feeling, yes?" And the man walked away a new person. The quote is: “In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.” It makes me wonder about the meaning of this suffering. I know all trials are given to us for specific reasons, and to help us learn and to grow. Knowing that this suffering is for the purpose of shaping me into the person I need to be makes it easier. Sacrificing momentary happiness for eternal happiness, even. That's what I'm going for.

Anyway, I had forgotten some of the reasons why I love Texas so much, and I thought I'd reflect on a few of those reasons.

1. The air. The air is thick. Most people wouldn't like that, and sometimes I really don't... but it reminds me of my childhood. I drove down wichita trail yesterday, past the tree that is shaped like a dog and just let my arm hang out the window.
2. The thunderstorms. Like I said, some of the safest feeling times are the ones where I am out in a thunderstorm. I count to however many mississippi's to see how far away it is, like I was in elementary school or somethin. It's like watchin fireworks. And the rain is warm.
3. The fried chicken smell. On the intersection of long prarie & flower mound road is chick-fil-a! And I can smell the fried chicken as I drive past. Next to chick-fil-a is culver's, and their "butter burgers"- burgers that are sure to make you feel like you've just ingested a quart of grease, and it is now lining your stomach. but they're sooo good.
4. The trees. You'd think that there wouldn't be any trees, its texas right? nothing but flat, dry, grassy plains. Trees are everywhere. Big oak trees. We've got a couple in our backyard, but my favorite climbing tree is Isaac's tree in the front of the episcopalian church on wichita trail.
5. The people. Didya know texas is the friendship state? of course you did...
6. Time. Time moves slower here. I feel like I've sat on the back porch for hours just sitting and thinking, and still have time to spare.
7. The mexican radio stations. Yep. I even missed those, haha.
8. The warmth, oh the warmth! After 4 months of frigid provo, I am warm! The air doesn't go cold after dark, its always warm.
9. my family. Nothing could be better, happier, more healing. home sweet.


only one thing... i miss krista roy :(

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Plans

Dear Readers,

For most of you, this is my first post you've read. In the future, I will be talking about what goes on in my life, but today I want to break from my usual format and talk to you about the subject of plans. Not so much my plan for this blog, but life plans, and how we all make them. And how we hope that we will make good, smart, safe plans on our own. But if we're really honest with ourselves, our plans usually don't work out as we had hoped. So instead of asking others "What are you plans? What do you plan to do with your life?" maybe we should tell them this: Plan to be surprised.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Lugazi or bust!



I got accepted to Help International's Lugazi, Uganda Team this Monday, and had training from 9-5:30 on Friday and Saturday... super long but really good stuff. I'm so excited! I'm scheduled to leave in the 3rd wave from July 13-August 24. But I will probably try to leave a week early and roam around Europe for like a week before I get to Uganda. I have been wanting to do this since I was in 9th grade, and its FINALLY going to happen! i'm psyched to go help the people and grow and learn from them myself. Its going to be an incredible experience.

Rachel came for the weekend!! She was supposedly coming to check out campus, but everyone knows she was just here to see me :) We hooliganized a lot, going to Festival of Colors, Ihop, Cafe Rio, and a bunch of other random places. I love her so much and I am so happy she is coming to BYU next year!! It's going to be a PARTAY AND A HALF!

Also... festival of colors. It was like half-raining/half snowing when we were driving down there... so i wasn't super excited, but it always turns out to be fun. We didn't even have to buy any chalk, cause there were just a couple packets layin around on the ground. Got to see some llamas, explore a desecrated Krishna temple, and be inducted into the Hindu religion... just kidding. I'm Mormon and proud of it. Afterwards we hit up IHOP. SO GOOD. Its been way too long since i've had me my NY cheesecake pancakes. to. die. for. Cept everyone was lookin at us kinda weird cause we were "Queen Elizabeth's runaway orphan step-children" (Krista Roy). The things she comes up with haha.

There is love in the air! The boy that wrote Kim on her mission is here for a couple of weeks, his name is Josh, and they are precious! I love to see Kim happy and twitterpated!! :) Didn't get to see John very much this weekend... After getting out of a half hour shower trying to scrub hindu paint off of my scalp, he had called me up, leaving a message of him singing his alternate lyrics to "Fallin for You" by Colbie Callait ("why aren't you answerin your phooooooone? Why arent you answerin your phoo-ooo-ooo-ooone?") So I headed over there for the rest of the allotted time before curfew... 20 minutes. haha. But worth it :) Oh and grandma invited us to go to the sizzler with her! surprise surprise! when i told her we were going to ihop, and that she could come with us she's like... 'no... thats ok." :) gotta love my grandma. I've eaten out so much this week... that I don't want to eat out ever again. barf. Too much food. Speaking of FOOD!! Me and rach, and hopefully Kris & Sum-bum are going to take an intro to cooking class next fall! I'm psyched! Yesterday when I was walking down to the sewing lab... I saw three people walk by one after the other... all holding apple pies. I was like DANG I NEED TO TAKE THAT CLASS!! excitement!!

Also this weekend... went over to Heather & Alyssa's for Heather's bachelorette party. CRAZY. She is getting married!!! Still can hardly believe it. It was fun to see all the flo mo's, and eat some reeses haha. Lys... dating someone?! Crazy!

I AM GOING TO GENERAL CONFERENCE!!! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!! My momma got me tickets from our Stake President in Lewisville, so I am GOING!!

Anyway.. the point is... I'm gonna go. k bye.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Babies.

So I got this call from Kris this morning, and she was panting and sounding really stressed. You know why? CJ's water broke. and Krista was going to go down and watch her give birth. sick huh? But also pretty cool. So she drove and drove and drove down to Monroe, and witnessed the birth of CharlyAnne Jill Carter! Such a joyous occasion.

Also, today there was an Earthquake in my motherland. Japan. Thoughts are going out to all the victims.

But the point is.... UGANDA!!! I applied for the Help International Program to Uganda this summer, and I got a call today asking for an interview! I'm so psyched! Man, if I get in... it will be the best adventure of my life to date. I have been wanting this since I was in 9th grade, and it might actually happen this summer!! What the heck?!

John found out that he is jobless in Utah, which makes him happy, because that means he gets to go to Alaska this summer, haha. He said he has never been so happy to hear that he isn't getting hired. He will have a blast catching birds, growing facial hair, and building trails, or whatever the heck he is doing. A whole summer is such a long time to be away from each other!! But I think sometimes distance is an important thing. You get to see if things actually will work out. So I am happy, with reservations.

I am going home. In like... 7 weeks. CRAZY. I get to see my family, and hopefully get a job somewhere cool, and see my family, and maybe take an online class, and see my family, and watch Rachel graduate, and see my family. oh yeah, did I mention I get to see my family?! What's super cool, is my cousins from Missouri are coming down for Rach's grad, and I haven't seen them since I was 6. That's FOURTEEN YEARS, PEOPLE! It's gonna be a party and a half!

And in other news from the past...

On Valentine's day we didn't really have time to do much... John had a test the next morning. So we went to Cafe Rio, and then headed up to campus to study! The weekend before we actually did some fun stuff though... We went up to Payson to ride horses. It was a little snowier than the last time however, and my horse started slipping down the side of the mountain we were riding on, and I fell off, miraculously above the horse, and not below it where I would have gotten trapped under. A couple weekends ago, I went up to Rexburg with John, and three random Asians that didn't speak very good english that we found off of the rideboard in the wilk. what. an. adventure. The weather was nasty and cold, but the experience was great! We stayed at John's brother & sister-in-law's house (Dan & Anne). They are awesome! And so funny! And Anne makes the best food ever! We got there, and she's like, 'how bout some chocolate pizza?' what the heck? haha. OH YEAH and we ate at this taco bus thing... It was like a Mexican restaurant... in a bus. Way weird. but such good food. I got to go to my 11th temple- Rexburg. I did baptisms with my favorite cousin, Ryan, and we chilled at his house for a bit and went to Cocoa Bean Cupcake Cafe, which is super good. We climbed a butte, and Dan told us all these random facts about rocks (He's a geologist), and then I accidentally threw a rock at John's face... and hit him in the head with a tree branch... He wasn't very happy with me haha. And that's... pretty much it. Rexburg is like a ghost town, but it was just fun to get out of p-town. The next weekend, the wildlife club was having an activity up at an Alpaca Farm owned by one of the BYU professors in Moroni. We stayed in wood-stove log cabins, and ate llama burger for breakfast, and john taught me how to drive a stick-shift tractor. Weird, but pretty cool. And we tried to cow-tip in the middle of the night, but the cows had tags on their ears and we thought they were horns so we (John) got freaked out and ran.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Today

  • Song of the day: Paperweight by Joshua Radin
  • Quote of the day: "I love Mark Ruffalo. He reminds me of my future husband." (Krista Roy). Also, "Buffalo! You know what rhymes with Buffalo? Ruffalo!"
  • Bird of the day: Wood duck. they are freakin good looking
  • Dessert of the day: donuts topped with oreos or butterfingers
  • Tree of the day: Chinese Elm Bonsai. Named Fawkes.
  • Boy of the day (and of the day before today... and the day before that... etc): John Hill.
  • Roommate of the day: Krista Roy
  • Craving of the day: Pirate booty
  • Favorite Moment of the day: Seeing Krista Roy's face when she saw my face... under her bathroom stall
  • Picture of the day:
  • Sandwich of the day: The Satisfier from Sensuous Sandwich
  • Sister of the day: Nicole, for saying that she wanted a country for her birthday
  • Sticky item of the day: my pantry shelf... somebody spilled their honey all over it...
  • overheard conversation of the day (some lady talking on the phone): "Well I'm sorry that I grew up being taught to love other people... I'm sorry I show love to others... I'm sorry that I show emotion... and I'm sorry that you obviously suck at it."
  • Shoes of the day: gray converse. with purple & yellow socks.
  • Waste of time of the day: looking up Harry Potter names on babynames.com
  • Dumbest video of the day: The Mean Kitty song... as posted by Rachel. oh dear rachel...
  • Lie of the day: Brock Solomon saying that he can beat me up... as if... he's only like twice my weight...
  • Surprise of the day: John bringing me lunch!
  • Scream of the day: when I tried putting a sweetheart in Krista Roy's mouth and she thought it was a soybean.
  • Accomplishment of the day: Applying to a Humanitarian Aid Project in Uganda with Help International
  • Motto of the day: "Live (until you die) Laugh (until you cry) Love (Until you hate somebody a lot) (I just made that up... hahahaha dumb. and dumber.)
  • Shock of the day: I spent twice as much $ as i should have on groceries last month... heh.
  • Most beautiful thing of the day: watching the sunset (with Johnny boy)
  • Best food of the day: Homemade cafe rio sweet pork, rice, and bean burrito. (with my roommates cheese and tortillas)
  • Biggest disappointment of the day: discovering that there was blood coming out of my...
  • Missionary of the day: Jim White, because I saw his brother, and thought it would probably be a good time to write him before he comes home in 3 months...
  • Awkward moment of the day: Went to work. "How are you doing today, Elise?" "Oh, I'm super." "Well that's weird" "Oh... well I'll try to tone it down..... ohhh i guess today's ok I guess...." (Silence...) "Uhh what are you talking about?"
  • Best advice of the day: Consulting an online 8-ball, who we asked if the Krispy Kreme light was on. he said "absolutely" and it was.
  • Pain of the day: When I went to lay on Brenda's bed on my side seducingly and serenade Kelcey with a song... and i slammed my already bruised shoulder and messed it up even more.
  • Wish of the day: that it was windy enough to fly a kite.
  • Best overall thing about today: The BEAUTIFUL WARM WEATHER!!
  • Biggest insult: Krista telling me that no one reads my blog except her...